Mood Swings- The Pendulum

So the pendulum swings, back and forth. For some the movement is faster and more extreme, while for others there is a slow and steady pace. Myself personally, my pendulum once moved with unruly force. I struggled greatly with the passions that were within me as a young person. It seemed my emotions were extremely high, and I was very sensitive to all manner of exterior stimuli. It has taken some time and great effort to manage these powerful waves of force within. Having a rather adventurous spirit and a very inquisitive and brave mind and soul, I have many a time been lead down whimsical paths; the sort less traveled. In many ways these experiences harvested great inner wisdom, often as a result of great folly and hard knock lessons. The knock often being my head as it hit a wall or dead end of sorts. Having both exposed myself to and been exposed to; these more colorful moments of tragedy, sorrow, love, lust, pain, and delirium; turning towards balance was extremely difficult for me in the beginning and still on some level remains to be a challenge.

 Some are born with this proclivity towards excess and others have learned it later as a go-to mechanism to cover inner conflicts; whatever the case may be whether it be an expression or for some repression, the shift from these tendencies can be extremely challenging and uncomfortable. Often times on a subconscious level the expectancy of these highs or lows can create a hare trigger mechanism within that will on a subtle and often unseen manner create a situation apparently on the exterior to return to this familiar extreme. Many speak of self sabotage and for many this occurs without even being aware of it. Perhaps subconsciously choosing situations that will bring about the very results that will provide the trigger for the inducement of these sensations. For instance, a person prone to nervousness and anxiety will find situations to provoke these behaviors subconsciously because it is the perceived state of equilibrium for that individual. It may seem odd to be in a position where nervousness does not exist for a long time and that in itself may serve as the catalyst for more.

 It is almost as if the default setting for many in this cycle of neurosis, is neurosis. The behavior, whether it is: depression, melencholy, nervousness, anger, impulsive consumptions etc. over time becomes the norm. After repeated patterns of behavior deepen in their mental grooves, the concept of center has shifted to this extreme place on the emotional number line. It is like drawing a chart with x,y, z coordinates the center point of the graph does not need to be at zero. This is the same case, in some ways many people are set slightly to one quadrant of behavior or the other. Finding balance takes a great pull or a conscious shift, because the natural homeostasis of the person has been set elsewhere. To satiate the naysayers... I will say that in many cases a slight skew is nice and adds to ones self definition and personality, that is if you value individuality over transcendence. For those on the yogic path or many of the paths of humility in the East, certainly the appraisal of individuality is not so important as it is here in the West. It is for this reason that many stay trapped in a paradoxical state of limbo, over justification of the behaviors as part of ones´unique personality and then self doubt over whether or not this identity really makes sense in terms of ones evolution.

 Ideally one will evolve over time. These evolutions will not necessarily be grand nor extreme, sometimes it is necessary to make bold leaps. However, the bold leaps forward tend to come with the necessary gentle subsidence of the pendulum swing back to a more stable center. This is often times the case with drug addiction. Those who like myself, have suffered from extreme drug addiction at one time know that the return to normal is a complex situation. Half the mind still questioning; normal, stable and such perceived fictitious contemplations and the other half of oneself knowing that the continuation of this negative spiral will culminate in the prompt and miserable end of life. The dance between these places is challenging. Once the leap is made to stop and change direction, the work only continues to advance. The challenge of finding a new center and regulating the storms of emotions within requires great perseverance and an open mind. The methods and tools contained within are in serious need of repair and refinishing. Many not even certain of what tools to use. In these cases the pendulum swings wildly and it takes great effort to slow it down; only then can one begin to shift the paradigm on the graph of existence.

 Or, perhaps in the case of the abused woman who long suffered the blows to her self esteem and self worth. She may have spent years now in repair and reconstruction and have left behind this legacy of physical beatings and abusive pain long ago, but still have a deep subconscious misalignment. She may subconsciously still feel that a passionate relationship needs some extreme sensations in order to be defined as real love or compatibility. She now knows that the hitting and name calling are wrong but may still settle or expect extreme shows of affection and sadness to define true interest in her and the relationship. The pendulum is still swinging thought not as wildly as before. There may be a subconscious tendency to create issues or problems, drama or anxieties because peace in a relationship still remains a foreign and odd center to hold. It may take a great deal of time before she may be able to live in peace without distrust. the pendulum must learn to operate at a peaceful place, one devoid of the extreme dramatic interludes relationships may still be characterized by somewhere in her world view.

 Perhaps you have never been in this type of situation and feel this article has nothing to do with you. But pause for a moment! You may be unaware that it is possible that even your own balanced pendulum may still be skewed ever so slightly and the graph of your soul may be set a bit more to one side than the other. It is said that the likes and dislikes of man are a great deceiver. In the East and the cultures of great compassion one must be willing to shed the particularities of this and that. So perhaps there is a way to evolve your character even further and to live with greater self mastery. Unless we have arrived at pure peace daily there is still work to do, and the pendulum of life is still swinging from one side to the other. Good luck in your introspection and inventory. It is great to penetrate the veil and see beyond ones perceptions of truth.