Dealing with Loss and how to Mourn

In Times of Loss

We have all had loss in this lifetime. The pain of losing something important whether a person, a dream, a vision etc., can take the all the air out of your sails and bring any positive momentum to a screeching halt. The feeling of the feeling of pain is painful. It seems to hit at such a deep level, so much so that is seems strange and odd that within us there lies such a place that the essence of our existence is so much more than we can calibrate or calculate. Unspeakable feelings of loss and despair invade the hidden storehouses of the heart and leach away any hope.

The desire to shut the feelings out and push away the pain is paramount in the name of self preservation but it seems any methods are futile and running away only further delays healing and compounds the pain only deepening the void. The soul cries out to the universe and we are forced to confront the reality of the nature of our existence. We are not in the Garden of Eden and at this point all of our hopes seem dashed. To sit with the feelings is so hard. The hardest test as humans we can endure.

What are the stages of this experience what is the lesson from this hard teacher, reality. The petty problems seem so miniscule and we lament the times that we misused the moments where nothing truly horrible was actually happening. The times where petty luxury problems seemed so important. The inconsequential things that seemed to matter so much now vanish and their immaturity seems like a mocking reflection of the joke that we are, the clown we play when dressed in the mantle of our ego. Seductive superficiality and the time spent ruminating and obsessing on what now is a glaring reflection of our ingratitude and selfishness.

I look at myself in these times and it is hard not to feel anger and hatred at one’s own stupidity. Where is the compassion when feelings of rage and tears burn the skin as if made of poison? Reflections on a million times that rather than enjoying life I fabricated a problem, a problem of such insignificance that the feeling of shame now mingles with the sadness.

It is said that one must watch the emotions like clouds and not join in. That one must feel compassion and use this as the teacher but to do so in moments of true loss seems like vanity and the continued perpetuation of the same disease of blatant disregard for all things beautiful and lovely. The times where we rambled on about our own small little world and never listened to anyone, shunned silence and stillness to suck away the limelight and be the star in our own narcissistic drama. What we would give for a moment with that person again, how we would have done things differently. How plastic and contrived our little plans and ideas when reality strikes and we realize it never mattered. All that mattered is how we treat people, what we do to be selfless and just spread joy and love. How many conversations did I dominate without thinking of anyone else but myself and my next act in the play of life? The sadness when we realize this is not a game, there is no dress rehearsal and that life is now in this moment.

The loss of moments, moments ill spent a life misused as we put it off for another day. The long list of activities and social events for self gratification and so little time used for things of import and of real consequence.

Make this moment the moment where you live. Feel the moment be present. Life is a gift.