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Expectations- A self defeating prophesy

Posted on 12 November, 2014 at 15:05

Expectations The Self Defeating Prophecy....On Cognitive Dissonance and Limiting Beliefs

 

Our desire to force and control situations is often tied to limited beliefs on how our goals and desires can be realized. When our secret agendas and expectations cleverly hidden within the subconscious as inalienable rights or entitlements are challenged we are often angry or sad. A series of self defeating behaviors takes place as we go through the emotional roller coaster of trying to manipulate and change the details of what is happening by a series of tricks and methods that we believe are coming from a place of determination and proactivity. This is often a dangerous double edge sword that can leave in its wake many negative feelings both internalized and expelled upon those closest to us.

These methods, those we use to try and bend the will of others to fit our expectations and the hopes of our own desired outcomes are very limiting and damaging in a number of ways. Sometimes this can lead to the complete abandonment of our goals and desires as we quickly lose hope when our limited notions of how we believe this situation should be played out doesn´t pan out as we would like. Succumbing to the subsequent negative feelings that come from this perceived failure can make us wax and wane between giving up and pushing forward in these precarious conflicts. We do the inner dance of yes I can or no I cant and begin to sit on the fence mired in the anxiety over whether or not to abandon the project or stay true to our intent. But it is this ….what is our intention? That is the secret clue to uncovering possible solutions to this evolving calamity.

Ironically the conflict is often self generated by the conditions we place on these events and goals. By releasing these benchmarks of perceived success and going rather with a more open minded organic flow many of our failures could have actually been some of our greatest successes in life had we only opened up to the infinite possibilities available. When we are able to give up our small notions of what things should be they can bloom into something more beautiful than we could have imagined when we let the universe do its work while we give our positive support by setting the intention and staying true. Many times we will resort to seconding guessing the entire purpose of it all as we begin to subject ourselves to the feeling that this thing is unattainable and thus in a final ditch effort of self preservation return to what we know and ditch the whole idea and call it all in vain, only to conclude by telling ourselves it wasn’t that great or worthwhile anyways. This is our way of staying perpetually stuck in a negative spiral of depression as we no longer go beyond the safety net of our experiences and become limited and stuck in what we know and eventually in the mantra that it wasn’t worth it anyways so best not try at all.

Take for instance the classic story of the fox and the grapes by Aasop, often cited as a classic story of cognitive dissonance. Dissonance, the last resort in the self defeating process of unrequited rigid expectations and the for lack of a better word our own inner BS mechanism (Bull S$%t for those who were wondering) to justify our continued failure.

The fox who longed for grapes, beholds with pain

The tempting clusters were too high to gain;

Grieved in his heart he forced a careless smile,

And cried ,‘They’re sharp and hardly worth my while

So my dears and of course you know I write this mainly because this is my struggle for the day….What would you rather have the same thing you have always had or something perhaps great and new. Now…here is the way to get it. Set the intention a positive intention and then ask for guidance and clarity from above as to how this may take place. You see a great salesman once told me that the No´s in life are not closed doors but opportunities to connect with a greater truth. Find the problem and make space for its resolution in your mind and soul by not giving up or in to negative emotions. Now given, the end result may be arrived at by a series of new and possibly exciting ways. As long as you are willing to try something new and yes maybe a little scary there is a great chance for success. Of course for the faint of heart you can remain in your misery and wonder why life and great things continue to pass you by and you wallow in self pity and blame the rest of the world as you once again try the self defeating prophecy of boxed in expectations and be stuck in the caves with the rest of the cave men who were content with eating raw meet and freezing at night. Its up to you. Have the courage to think outside the box and remember don’t give up, shift the way you see what is happening and the impossible may very well become possible with a little letting go and opening up. And to continue with my love for clichés….Dont be afraid to think outside the box.

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Inspired by my opposite, my strange friend and most amusing muse

Categories: Yoga, Emotional Healing and Therapy, Relationships